The Loremen Glossary

Over the years, the Loremen have accumulated a few in-jokes and recurring characters from the annals of folklore. For the benefit of listeners new and old, this glossary will be a collection of some of our favourite ‘runners’, including links to the episodes in which they first appeared.

Baby Zombie
Step outside James Shakeshaft’s shed on the stroke of midnight and climb over a wall, and you might find what appears to be a tiny tombstone. Who can say whether a zombie baby crawls out of that grave on moonless nights?

Known for: Making noises during livestreams.

First appearance: Loremen S3 E6 – The Ghost of Cuthbert Shields
Chester-le-Street (Chester the street)
Chester-le-Street is a town in County Durham, known for having had an Argos and possibly a Curry’s PC World. Its name translates into English as “Chester the street.”

Known for: being excessively popular with the monks carrying St. Cuthbert’s remains to their final resting place in (the then-unbuilt) Durham Cathedral (See S1 E6).

First appearance: Loremen S1 E3 – Pelton Brag
Christmas Pig
The phrase “Christmas Pig!” was coined by Mr James Shakeshaft during the Loremen’s 2021 Xmas livestream. After he told two stories which had very little to do with Christmas and a lot to do with pigs, the following exchange took place:

ABK: Two very tenuously festive stories about pigs there, James…
JFS: Exactly.
ABK: Mmm…

Catchphrase: Christmas Pig!

Known for: Being a normal festive phrase that people often say.

First appearance: S3E91 – Christmas Pig
A small cut of meat, especially bacon. Something you would not want to be cut into.

Known for: Being a convenient size for transportation by pillowcase.

First appearance: S1 E1 – Parcy Reed & Poppa Bayliss
Don’t Look For It, It’s Not There
See: Not there
See: In Dorset.
In Loremen terms, ‘dust’ refers to the tendency for evidence of the supernatural to crumble into dust at just the right moment.

Catchphrase: It must be dust.

Known for: Being crumbled into.

First appearance: S1 E5 – Minster Lovell & Silky
Endorse it
See: In Dorset.
Friend of the show / Friend of the podcast
When a person or thing features in more than one episode, they achieve the status of friend of the show. Friends of the show include the antiquarian Sabine Baring-Gould, the comedian Chris Cantrill, the village Chipping Campden, the popstar Michael Jackson, gravity and God.

Known for: Appearing on the Loremen podcast.

First appearance: S1 E4 – The Campden Wonder
Friendly / “Friendly”
An adjective describing the chilling robotic voice of avuncular alien presence Sam the Sandown Clown.

Known for: Being a relaxing and enjoyable voice, enjoyed by children and adults alike.

First appearance: S3E90 – Sam the Sandown Clown with Marek Larwood
Ghost Club, the
Founded in 1862, The Ghost Club is a society devoted to paranormal research and petty infighting. Peter Underwood, Ghost President from 1962 to 1993, makes an appearance in several Loremen cases.

Not to be confused with: The Ghost Club Society (Founded in 1993 by *checks notes* Peter Underwood).

First appearance: S2 E2 – Shelley’s Ghost & Malmesbury Abbey
In Dorset (Endorse It)
A beloved old chestnut:

Person A asks if a place (e.g. Poole) is, ‘in Dorset?’
Person B (a wag) replies, ‘Course I would, I bloody love the place.’

Known for: Being surprisingly difficult to get right.

First appearance: S1 E7 – Baa & The Wilnecker Paradox
Leave Me Alone
The catchphrase of the antisocial Jinmenken – a human-faced dog-spirit from Japan, who just wants five minutes of peace and quiet.

Catchphrase: Leave me alone.

First appearance: S2 E1 – Jinmenken & Twelve Parsons
Let The Cows Decide
A catchphrase born from feverish minds and magical bovine wee. When all seems lost and you know not what to choose – why, friend, it is time to let the cows decide.

First Appearance: S3 E103 – The Wells of St Walstan – LIVE!

Known for: Being the most democratic way of deciding matters concerning cattle.

Not to be confused with: (Mooie Warning) The Mooies.
Little Jimmy Shakes
The pre-teen folklorist we know as James Shakeshaft. (See: Loremen.)
Lorefolk, the
Listeners to the Loremen podcast.

Known for: Their tendency to trigger – Mooie Warning – Mooie Warnings. (See: Mooies, the.)

• The sea! The sea!
• Quoz!
• Let the cows decide!
• Some reservoirs? Some fish! (call and response)

First appearance: S3E44 – The Wyck Rissington Maze
Loremen / Loreboys / Lorebois / Loreboyz
The Loremen are James Shakeshaft and Alasdair Beckett-King: tall, white men from England.

Catchphrase: Loreboys nether say die.

First appearance: The Trailer
Mooies, the
Mooie Warning: This entry features Mooie References.

The Mooies are a form of shadow-creature that haunted Little Jimmy Shakes and his school pals. Mooie Warnings should be given before discussing the Mooies. Ideally, Mooie Warnings should be given before giving a Mooie Warning.

Known for: The mere fact that mentioning the Mooies can invoke a Mooie Incident.

First appearance: S3 E9 – The Roaring Bull of Bagbury
A portmanteau of the words ‘pocket’ and ‘man’.

Known for: Being a horrible little man who lives in your pocket.

First appearance: S3 E73 – The Green Lady with Poppy Hillstead

Catchphrase: You’ll never catch us all!
An invisible spirit that makes its presence known through sounds and small acts of violence. Polterguy is German for “noisy guy”.

AKA: A poltergeist.

Known for: Slamming doors, knocking things off shelves, classic mischief.

See: Tour Guy.

First appearance (maybe): S3E81 – The Stow Poltergeist
Poo Anecdotes
As a parent of young children, James Shakeshaft has many poo-based stories in his rolodex. We do our best to prevent him from including any in the Loremen podcast, but a few slip out.

Known for: Being a bit much.

First appearance: S1 E2 – Tom, Dick and Harry & Blue Cap
Poo-Poo Stinks
A particularly unlikeable dog, on display (stuffed) in Nettlestone Priory at the time of little Jimmy Shakes’s visit to the Isle of Wight. Also a channel in the Lorefolk Discord dedicated, we hope, to dogs.

Known for: Being the worst.

First Appearance: S3 E85 – The Blue Girl of Nettlestone Priory
Quentin Tarantino
Pronounced Quin-‘it-in Ter-‘an-tinno. Mr. Tarantino is a popular film director.

Known for: being invoked when a story boasts excessive, bloody violence (as opposed to close-ups of feet).

First appearance: S1 E1 – Parcy Reed & Poppa Bayliss
An odd or absurd thing or person.

Known for: Being an entertaining word to shout at just about any time, for just about any reason.

“When a mischievous urchin wished to annoy a passenger, and create mirth for his comrades, he looked him in the face, and cried out Quoz!” The Madness of Crowds (1852) by Charles Mackay.

First appearance: S3 54 – The Madness of Crowds
Ropes of Sand / Ropes of Sifted Sand
No, not the 1949 movie of the same name! As an idiom, ‘ropes of sand’ are similar to ‘feet of clay’ – risky and unstable. As the Loremen encounter them in legend, they’re something that’s difficult (or impossible) to make.

Known for: Being in a Tom Waits song: “I danced along a coloured wind / Dangled from a rope of sand / You must say goodbye to me”

First appearance: Loremen S1 E4 – Bad Lord Soulis

See: Ropes of Sand.
Screetonizer, the
AKA Paul Screeton. A journalist and author with an interest in the folklore of North-East England.

Known for: Sceptical research into local legends. Screetony, if you will.

First appearance: S2 E3 – The Trials of Jan Tregeagle & The Hartlepool Monkey
Sea, the! Sea, the!
The sea! The sea!

Known for: The sea! The sea!

Catchphrase: The sea! The sea!

First appearance: S3 E54 – The Madness of Crowds
Shakeshaft, ‘Donkey’
‘Donkey’ was the nickname given to James Shakeshaft’s great-grandfather. According to legend, the appellation came from Donkey’s reputation as a hard worker. And if you believe that…

Known for: Throwing a policeman in the canal.

First appearance: S3 E44 – The Wyck Rissington Maze
According to disgusting Japanese legends, the shirikodama or ‘anus ball’ is a mysterious organ residing in your downstairs department.

Known for: Being irresistible to aquatic yōkai known as kappa, so watch it.

First appearance: S3 E37 – The Kappa with Yuriko Kotani
Some Reservoirs? Some Fish!
See: Lorefolk, the
Thicknesse, Captain Philip
Captain Philip Thicknesse (1719 – 1792) was a notorious liar, terrible poet and world-class grudge-holder. Thicknesse pursued bitter vendettas against pretty much everyone he met.

Catchphrase: Witness the Thicknesse.

Known for: Giving his son ALL the fingers.

First appearance: S2 E1 – The London Monster
Tombstone, Tiny
See: Baby Zombie.
Tour Guy
The guy who shows you around a tourist attraction: the Tour Guy.

Intrepid holidaymakers Dawn & Dave were unimpressed with Peak Cavern (AKA The Devil’s Arse). In their review entitled “I haven’t got the words waste of money,” they complained that, “it’s nearly a tenner each to listen to some Boring tour guy going on and on and on about some caves.”

Known for: Being an absolute “waist” of your time, according to Zhorzh. “20 minutes listen how make a rope. Really?” (Emphasis ours.)

First appearance: S3 E43 – The Green Children of Woolpit
Traybakes / Trehbehks
Flat cakes, baked in trays, cut into squares and served as slices. Traybakes are available at the House of Meg Tea Room in Gilsland and, presumably, elsewhere.

Known for: The gusto with which they are devoured by Deputy Loreperson Chris Cantrill.

First appearance: S3E55 – The Tale of Meg Merrilies with Chris Cantrill
Underwood, Peter
See: Ghost Club.
Xmas Pig
See: Christmas Pig
Zombie Baby
See: Baby Zombie.